[TRIGGER WARNING; hellcare post inc] So as we all know I'm made of money and spend an unreasonable amount of money on Steam sales on weird ass games because I have a serious problem. ANYWAYS, I'm gonna break down some of my purchases, Big Bird/Cookie Monster style so you video game plebs can maybe get some fucking culture. Im focusing on lesser known titles and mostly glossing over my AAA purchases. 4.99$ @ 75% off If you havent played this yet then you are dumb. 4 :emot-china: out of 5 4.99$ @ 75% off Its like a newer Diddy Kong racing. It also has Danica Patrick in it. 3.5 :emot-spergin: out of 5 1.49$ @ 90% off Its like Darksiders or God of War but with Jack Black and metal music. Downside: Gives Tim Schafer your money and are we really willing to do that? Dont we deserve BETTER? 2.5 :retrogames: out of 5 3.99$ @ 90% off HOLY SHIt this is so worth. Watch the first video on the Steam page and youll learn everything you need to know about this. If you dont like wise cracking Chinamen and smart ass genie spirit sidekicks then get the fuck out of my group. 4 :emot-fappery: out of 5 3.74$ @ 75% off A Metroidvania that looks like a painting on a Grecian vase. So if you like spearing dudes while half naked, this is as good as it gets other than WWE 2k16. 3 :histdowns: out of 5 2.49 @ 75% off Essentially the "Listen To Daniel Talk About TES/NGE Lore for 8 hours simulator". It's also a pretty fun Source engine shooter with a 2deep4u plot. BETTER EXPLANATION OF THIS GAME 4 :emot-psypop: out of 5 4.99$ @ 75% off A platformer that seems like its main demo is chubby scene girls in their late teens. Also Alice is prime waifu material. Kind of a Tim Burton wet dream. 3.5 :emot-gizz: out of 5 4.99$ @ 75% off Actually going to serious post this because this is a really good game. The graphics are dated af and the gameplay is wonky, but this game is fun. It also explores the lore of the War in the North, hence the name, during the whole Lord of the Rings series. So instead of some faggy Hobbits essentially dry humping across Middle Earth, you slay the FUCK out of everything and be a badass. Also somehow I got Narsil at level 4 so Im essentially the best. 3.9 :emot-iia: out of 5 2.99 @ 90% off L.A. Noire but clavo af 3 :emot-cthulhu: out of 5 8.99 @ 85% off I played this last year all the way through via a torrent, but I picked it up because ITS THAT FUCKING GOOD. Probably the best FPS to come out in a few years. Bad ass story, bad ass characters, bad ass game. Never really gets slow, maybe a little repetitive, but its fun pretty much all the way through. The stand alone expansion The Old Blood is also on a sale, but I'd suggest waiting until Summer Sale for it to come down more. Its fun, but not as fun as TNO 5 :godwinning: out of 5
1.99$ @ 80% off A roguelike FPS with jihadi bugs and turrets that can fly. Just hard enough to be fun, but not be frustrating. 4 :emot-downsgun: out of 5 11.99$ @ 60% off Its like SimCity but good. Also has Steam Workshop integration so you can :emot-spergin: to the max. Get the expansion for added fun. 5 :capitalism: out of 5 4.59$ @ 80% off Pretty good for a game thats literally just driving a truck around. Also you can listen to Czech country music. Worth. 3.5 :emot-clint: out of 5 4.99 @ 60% off 8bit Dark Souls boss rush 3.5 :gitgud: out of 5 Reign of Kings, Hurtworld, and ARK Dont get these, they suck. RoK is dog shit, Ark is the same more or less, and Hurtworld is about 6 months away from being "good"
Bought But Havent Played Yet/Played Enough To Talk About Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons - Some artsy fartsy game. Probably a circlejerk Star Wars: Empire at War - I downloaded this game in 2006 using stolen RapidShare accounts but never played it Just Get Through - Super Meat Boy but with dynamite SimplePlanes - Kind of like Kerbal but with planes and PolyBridge graphics Spec Ops The Line - A good shooter that is supposed to have a 2deep4u plot Chivalry: Medieval Warfare - MLG SWORD FIGHTING Craft The World - Terraria fucked Gnomoria in the back of its car and didn't call it back VVVVVV - Super Meat Boy but for people who get off by whipping themselves LISA - Guy looking for his daughter or something. Supposed to be funny of full of references. Maybe also preachy? Starwars Battlefront II - The only GOOD Battlefront :emot-smug: Don't Starve - Reign of Giants Don't Starve - Shipwrecked Diehard Dungeon Dungeon Souls
Not even a steam sale game but fucking get Steamworld: Heist on 3ds nerds, it's really fucking good if you like 2d x-com-ish turn based games. Also get the x-com enemy unknown complete bundle dumbfucks. And any dark souls games you don't own.
